Grace in Small Things 119

• I got to teach the advanced level class again this morning while the regular instructor took care of other business. I have done it enough times now that I feel I’m getting a little bit good at it. One student thanked me afterward for the interesting lesson (we read and deciphered a news article about the trapped Chilean miners).
• I had my noon-hour class laughing today when I made them hum pairs of questions to each other to practice rising intonation in yes/no questions and falling intonation in wh- questions.  They said it was silly and crazy, but I think they liked it.
• Sylvain is finding a lot of synchronicity between the novel he is reading and ACIM. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
• The more I ask for feedback and ideas from my students, the more they open up. Today one of them asked if I could please make name cards for their desks to help them learn each other’s names.
• I had a good visit with the person I visit each week as a hospice volunteer.

What I learned today: that “to swelter” can mean what the weather does, but can also mean what a person does when it’s very hot.

Grace in Small Things 116, 117

• The cardamom coffee cake I planned to serve to my ACIM group yesterday overflowed in the oven. The dough hitting the heat element caused a lot of smoke, so I had to turn the oven off and abort the baking project.  Where’s the Grace in that, you may wonder? It’s in being aware that the same event as little as two years ago would have thrown me into a toddler-sized tantrum, a melt-down, a frenzy. This time I just took it in stride and was thankful I had a pumpkin pie already made.
• Two students taught me something in the apple orchard Thursday. They were picking a weed to take home and eat.  I asked them the name in Arabic, then looked it up online. It was purslane, considered a weed here but valued for its culinary properties in other parts of the world. It’s super high in omega-3 fatty acids!
• Being entrusted with the level one class today while the instructor tended to an urgent errand.
• Having fun with them.
• Receiving lovely cards from friends wishing us well on our engagement, including one that came with a mega-sized box of orange tic tacs.  We are so blessed to have such friends.
• Going shopping with Sylvain tonight for the bins we will use to construct a winter shelter for the stray cat that Ma feeds. Last winter, before we met him, he got frostbite on his ears.
• Getting to know one of my neighbours better while she waited for her ride to church and I waited for Sylvain. I told her we were going apple picking. She said she loves Honey Crisp.
• Getting a few extra Honey Crisp apples for my neighbour and leaving them outside her door later that day.
• The wreath on her door with the little hand-painted sign nestled inside of it that says: “Love spoken here.”
• Finding a little thank you note on my door today.

Where Did My Filter Go?

Strange things start happening when I delve deeply into the work I’m doing now. ACIM and other material with which I’m working shakes up ego, helps me function more in my right brain, and so forth.  But the process is not linear or orderly.  Some days I feel wobbly, sometimes I feel like I’m on drugs.  Sometimes I start saying everything that comes to my mind before I think about whether saying it out loud is such a good idea.  Today was like that, only I wasn’t just with Sylvain this time.  I was at a workshop for teachers.

So that’s one thing that was different: I was blurting out my thoughts without vetting them.

The second thing that was happening was that my ego was on a rampage.  I was having very judgmental thoughts about some of the people in the room with me.  Not all, mind you.  I was my usual patient, helpful, loving and kind self with most of my workshop mates.  But at the same time, I had absolutely no willingness to indulge people who just wanted to hear themselves talk.  I’m not sure if I really came across as rude or nasty or impatient with them or if that’s just how it felt from behind my eyeballs.

Afterward I talked to Sylvain about it.  He said maybe my ego was feeling very threatened and needed to re-assert itself. It spotted an opportunity, a weakness of mine, and went crazy.

Later that evening I was reading Choosing Easy World,  which I had put down when we went on holidays. I picked back up where I’d left off, which was the chapter called “Finding Easy World in the Dark.”  There Julia talks about allowing your ego to express whatever it needs to instead of stuffing it. This is not the same as allowing the ego to take over. You remain in the capacity of manager, allowing ego to express what he needs to. You are still in control, though.

Perhaps what happened with me at the workshop is an indication that I had been repressing some ego stuff that needs to be acknowledged and expressed under conscious management when I’m alone.

That’s something for me to think about. I’m glad my ACIM group meets tomorrow.

Yes to TT and GiST 115

An opportunity is coming up soon for me to learn Therapeutic Touch.  At first I had to pass up this one and ask to be put on the list for next time because the dates conflicted with a workshop to which I had already committed for work. But then the TT workshop date was changed to a weekend that I’m free, so I just now emailed the coordinator saying I will attend.

I don’t know what I’m getting myself into, but do know that I have always had a deep curiosity about energy work.  If I stay with it, there’s a good chance that I will be asked to work on people at the hospice.  I am just trying to stay open and trusting.  I don’t know where this will lead, only that in this moment, saying “yes” to the workshop feels like the next right thing.

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Grace in Small Things 115

• I have such a good relationship with my landlord. I told him about a problem with the kitchen plumbing. Since he is on the road for his job two weeks per month, he asked me to call the same plumber I did last time and deduct the bill from my rent just like before.
• My pantry smells like cardamom! (I bought some freshly ground for my baking on Sunday.)  Mmmmmmm.
• Sylvain and I took a long walk on the trail while working out what today’s Course in Miracles lesson means to each of us. It’s wonderful to have a partner who is doing the Course at the same time I am. It’s bringing us closer.
• Every morning I see a completely different sunrise… and each one is breathtaking.
• Since our building doesn’t have a place for staff to sit and eat, I was walking along the sidewalk eating a samosa I’d just bought at the Indian market.  From behind me I heard, “How are you today?” as a man in his late 30s strode by me, his pace being quicker than mine.  I smiled and said I was just great.  ”Mmm, sure smells good,” he added before continuing on with his long-legged stride.  ”Would you like one?” I asked.  He pivoted as his eyes grew bigger. “I sure would,” he said. I held out the bag to him and he took a large samosa, thanked me and strode away.  I decided to keep walking past my workplace just to enjoy the rest of my lunch hour strolling around the core. Suddenly a memory came back to me. About five years ago I was waiting in downtown Kitchener for the 7 bus back home on a December night. A young woman waiting for the same bus was munching on something that smelled heavenly.  She told me she had just come from the Christkindl Market, and would I like an apple fritter? I accepted one gratefully.

Harbinger of a Sea Change

Put this TED Talk together with this MacLean’s article and you start to see how radically different the world could look in a decade or two.

Mind-boggling, that’s what it is.

Grace in Small Things 114

• I taught Juan the words “my” and “your” today.
• I sang “Wheels on the Bus” with a precious five-year-old during the return bus ride.
• I went around the building after we got back and offered apples to everyone who didn’t get to go on the field trip.
• The Universe winked at Sylvain twice today. The message was very clear: ask and it shall be given unto you.
• I walked into a room tonight and was instantly drawn to a quiet person sitting against the wall, a newcomer to our conversation circle. When he revealed his name, I smiled quietly to myself.

Grace in Small Things 110

I really love having people come into my home once a week for an hour and a half. That’s just about right for this hermit. I like that there is a set time for us to adjourn and we stick to that.

I enjoy thinking up what I am going to serve to my guests each week.  Week one it was zucchini bread. This week I decided to serve tea sandwiches. I made two kinds: simple cucumber; red pear with blue cheese spread.  I had never made tea sandwiches before.

I make a pot of coffee and also offer a choice of teas or dark cocoa with whipped cream on top. I think I’ll have some takers on that once the weather gets colder. I am also planning to mull cider one week. Won’t that make the apartment smell like fall?

I like looking at the little area I have set up for people to choose their tea. I enjoy thinking about details, like the sugar bowl and honey dispenser. The teas are: Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice, Yogi Green Tea Special Formula, Yogi Black Chai, Stash Organic Chamomile, PC Feeling Soothed (Peppermint, Ginger, Fennel), Tazo Green Ginger, and Celestial Seasonings Acai Mango Zinger. My favourite is the Peppermint with Ginger and Fennel. It has a hot little bite to it!

The gathering went well. We all talked about our experiences working the first week’s worth of lessons in A Course in Miracles (workbook). Many of us are struggling with ego on two fronts. For one, ego needs to understand everything. Secondly, ego is feeling threatened and so stokes our resistance to the lessons.

It’s very nice to be doing The Course with a group so that we can support one another. I tried once to do it alone and didn’t get very far.

After everyone left, I made a quiche. Now I have lunch to take to work all week. Then Sylvain and I went for a walk on the trail as the sun was setting.

Grace in Small Things 109

• Sitting with a friend at a table by the window in Taloola Cafe while talking for two hours
• Jasmine green tea
• Going on a nature walk with my sweetie to find branches, ornamental grasses, red sumac leaves, teasel, bitter nightshade berries and other fun things with which to make arrangements
• The three fall arrangements that now grace my table, wall and bathroom; I feel happy when I look at them
• the dainty little ring on my left hand

Equal Time

A nice journalistic counter-balance to the Third World America article in MacLean’s can be found here.

My Year in Japan VI – A Photo

Olivia asked to see a photo of me from that time period, so I managed to dig one up. Please remember this was the mid-eighties. Don’t laugh too hard at how I was dressed. It’s a good thing you can’t see my purple socks under sandals or my matching PLASTIC purple earrings and bracelet. Ugh. It looks like I had my long hair pulled back into a braid. This is the only photo I have of Japan.

In Odori Park, Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan

Prior installation about my year in Japan can be found here.

What Goes Up…

Is this fair coverage, or blatant sensationalism to sell a magazine?  The current issue of MacLean’s has a photo of a tattered and torn American flag flapping sadly in a yellow-grey (smoggy?) sky.  The headline is “Is America going third world?”

The sub-line is “collapsing bridges, street lights turned off, cuts to basic services; the decline of a superpower”

I used to be so proud of MacLean’s for covering the news in a fair way while aiming at an intelligent audience.  After it was purchased by its current owner, I felt an immediate shift toward tabloid-style journalism.

What do you think? Is this one fair? Or is it yellow journalism?

The Ring

I couldn’t have worded it better than Olivia did (comment on prior post). I wanted no part of the diamond trade. I told my first and second husband not to dare try to buy me a diamond and both were relieved since neither could afford one anyway. I would rather put the money toward something practical, I said.

I told Sylvain a while back that if he really wanted to exchange promise rings or something like that, I would like something simple, rustic, unique. I sent him some images from the Sundance catalog. He printed them and invited me ring shopping, saying he wanted to get my ideas early on so that he could surprise me later…maybe six months or a year down the road.

Here are some of the photos I sent him from Sundance. You can see I am drawn to the bezel settings. I don’t like all the fussiness of prongs.

Baroque Pearl

Good Things

Storm at Sea

And here is the one we chose for me, which is obviously a compromise of my earlier stance.

White gold, bezel setting

Grace in Small Things 106

• “This is not about problem resolution. This is more open-ended and courageous approach. It has to do with not knowing what will happen.” –Pema Chodron
• I didn’t win, but I did take a stand today on something I felt strongly about.
• I also showed some growth, I think, by keeping a close eye on myself and not letting ego run away with me.
• The view from my balcony. Every single morning I get to see an entirely different sunrise.
• And right now I can see the Wednesday evening regatta coming in.

Grace in Small Things 104

• being reunited with my students today
• finding out that three new students have joined the class
• sweater weather
• finding out that (yet again) a function to which students are invited has been scheduled during my class period, but deciding to build a lesson around it so that we all go together
• a baby chipmunk

What Plant is This?

Can you help me identify this mystery plant?

Location: Algonquin Provincial Park, abandoned air field at the base of the old  railroad bed bike trail.

Height: I don’t think any of it was higher than my knee.

whole plant

stems are woody, like trunks of small bushes

hand with leaves, which feel tough and leathery

Update: Found this plant online, thanks to a terminology tip from a blog reader who blogs under the pseudonym of Jess Killmenow. It is Comptonia peregrina, common names Sweet-fern, Sweetfern and Fern Gale. I had forgotten two things. One was to tell you that it had little fruits that looked like upward pointing teeny pine cones. The other was to smell it! Now I read it is aromatic and sure wish I had smelled it. Next time.

Grace in Small Things 103

• that my sweetie wanted me to have the proposal experience I “deserved,” all proper like /  he even called to ask my mom’s blessing beforehand
• identifying New York Fern in Arrowhead Park on Friday–a lovely light green fern so soft to the touch and so beautiful when it grows in colonies
• getting up early and having time to do grocery shopping and baking before the ACIM students arrived
• due to several “no-shows,” there were plenty of seats and plates for everyone
• my lesson planning is all done /  i can’t wait to see the students /  it’s good to be home

A Better Bird

The old railway bike trail in Algonquin Park is gorgeous. At the trailhead we fed a chipmunk before setting out. First you have to pass through what used to be an airfield. That part is still covered with low scrub. There is one plant that I am dying to identify. It has leaves like a fern, but woody stems like a bush and doesn’t grow taller than one foot high.

When we crossed the bridge over the stream, I thought I heard an interesting bird. I tried to pish it up and was about to get a good view of it when Sylvain called me over to where he was.

“Not now,” I said, “I think I have a good bird!”

He said something about having something good over his way, too. He sounded pretty sure of himself. I didn’t know how he could possibly know that his bird was more interesting than what I was about to get a look at, but I turned to look, saying, “Is your bird better than my bird?”

That’s when I noticed that his bird wasn’t a bird at all. It was a little red box.

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Sylvain knows that I’ve gone through one annulment and one divorce; the experiences have left me leery of my own ability to make good decisions in this area.  Once bitten, twice shy, eh? Twice bitten?… well, VERY reluctant!  So we are easing into the whole marriage idea very slowly.  Heck, it took him weeks just to wear me down on the whole “I don’t do diamonds” idea.  Sometimes I can be very stubborn when it comes to my beliefs.

So there you have it.  No date. We are giving me lots of time (lots and lots) to get used to the idea of “engaged” before we traumatize me with the idea of an actual ceremony.

But yeah, he DID have a better bird over there on the bridge than I had.

P.S. Sylvain will be blogging his version of the event soon

Grace in Small Things 96 through 102

In no particular order:

• packing up a box full of things every foodie needs while at a cottage for a week: aged Balsamic, EVOO, sea salt, a pepper grinder…
• a basket full of lumpy, odd-shaped potatoes with black dirt still caked on them
• chives the gardener cut for me about twelve minutes earlier — they went into a lemony mushroom risotto
• an entire stalk of basil that remained fresh and springy for days, and still is, which I used for insalata Caprese
• reading aloud about ants
• having a lover who doesn’t think it’s at all crazy to have six cheeses on hand for a special occasion–like a getaway in the Muskokas (Swiss and Oka for the burgers, Cambozola, 5-year-old Canadian white cheddar, Parmeggiano Reggiano for the risotto, bocconccini for the Caprese, Muenster for a quiche)
• having a lover who doesn’t think fig sandwiches sound yucky at all; they were amazing
• the arugula was fresh from the garden
• sourdough bread made by a friend
• putting our carrot tops out on the tree stump overnight to find them gone in the morning
• a cat who paints with his tail
• curling up by the fireplace to watch What the Bleep Do We Know with my sweetie
• Having a lover who comes up with the idea of stopping at Henrietta’s Pine Bakery for one of those and two of those and one of those over there…until we had a whole box of sinfully rich pastries to divvy up after supper all week
• watching the evening star set behind the hill each night
• the brilliance of the Milky Way when you are far, far away from city lights
• shooting stars
• finding a way to get flies out of the cottage that is in keeping with my preference not to harm other sentient beings
• setting out for Algonquin park on a morning when the forecast promised storms; it’s fun to defy the weather report and set your mind on having fun anyway
• seeing a moose for the very first time
• stopping on a bridge in the middle of the forest and telling Sylvain that I love that particular spot so much, I would like to be brought there if I’m ever dying slowly enough that there’s time to arrange it
• receiving a marriage proposal minutes later on the same bridge
• saying “oh, okay” instead of yes or no ;)
• having the storm–which was supposed to start at 2:00–hold off for two hours, which was exactly enough time for us to enjoy a hike to that bridge and back
• bumping into friends in the park, quite something since we were both 7 hours from home
• back at the cottage, watching the white fog bank get sucked up off the hills and blown across the lake and land in tact–like a big, billowing scarf
• watching Sylvain bask in the congratulations as they rolled in (the Internet is a sometimes scary but always amazing thing)
• receiving a visit at the cottage who came bearing gifts: a bottle of wine, dragonfly candle holder and Napster art card signed by the whole family who runs the resort
• suddenly realizing that we were surrounded on all sides by gifts:
  • the wine, card and candle holder we’d just received
  • the bottle of red wine we’d enjoyed at dinner, which had been a gift from my landlord a while back
  • the journal in which I kept track of the Grace in Small Things list all week–a gift from my friends S and A in Toronto
  • the Utne magazine I chilled out with every evening–a gift from my friend Violet
  • the delicious jam, salsa and bread we enjoyed all week courtesy of our friend K in Waterloo
  • the ring Sylvain gave me on the bridge as a pair of canoe-ers passed beneath us, which was a gift from him to me
• not until we had paid the bill and driven away did I ask Sylvain if I could look at the invoice, curious how much all the treats from the garden had cost; beside those items the owners of the resort had written “Our compliments – for your special occasion”

On Vacation

I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to blog from the cottage or unplug.  Either way, you know I’m thinking of you!

Have a wonderful long weekend.

Grace in Small Things 95

By 8:00 a.m. the sky was blue and held a blanket of rapidly scattering white clouds and a blazing sun.  Unless you’d been awake to see it, you might never believe that only half an hour earlier, it had looked like this:

I made the acquaintance of one of my neighbours in the laundry room. Who but an 80-year-old does laundry at 8:30 on a Saturday? I do!

Her first guess was “Are you a teacher?”  Finally, my answer to that question–which I’ve been getting all my life–is “Yes, I am!”

She has one of those names that girls don’t get anymore.  I love those names.  I wonder if Angus will ever come back in fashion?

Life!