Lately I have been hearing a calling. It is not that recent a calling, but the voice is getting louder.
I am 45 and realize that if I am ever going to answer the call of my heart, I need to start before too much longer. It is not too late.
But I am scared.
I am not ready to talk about it in detail.
I am afraid of failing.
I have never tried anything until I was sure I could succeed. The old me…the perfectionist me…didn’t take those sorts of chances.
I am scared.
Everywhere I turn, the messages are coming at me. When Sylvain and I watched Neil Young Heart of Gold, all I could hear were the hopes and regrets and gratefulness of someone who is entering the last part of life.
This morning I listened to Brother IZ’s Somewhere Over the Rainbow, and it screamed to me about dreams…deferring them or pursuing them.
I visited Elspeth’s blog and it said “How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively. “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” - Trina Paulus -
I visited Cassaundra’s blog and it said: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings
My dinner guest last night brought me a pot of red tulips still tight in bud. This morning they are by the sunny window beginning slowly to open to the light.
I am praying fervently every day for guidance and for courage. I do not know how to do this, I only know I cannot continue to pretend I don’t hear.
I can hear the longing and the fear in your post. The fear of failure stops a lot of people. I know you have it in you to begin. Just start. Take one little step today, like buying the materials you need, or researching. I wanted to do ceramics all my life and finally, now I am doing it and I so wish I had started earlier, don’t let this happen to you. You can do this kelly! Whatever it is!
XOXO
P.S. FEAR is: False Evidence Appearing Real.
annie is absolutely right – don’t wait much longer!
YOU CAN DO THIS!
you know, i haven’t always lived in new york city.
about 2 years ago i was living in wisconsin.
i grew up there.
then i met someone and moved to connecticut.
from there i went to new york,
but i didn’t go without a fight.
i was terrified!!
i wasn’t sure what to expect
or how my life would be,
but i took the plunge.
and look at me now.
i have a great job.
i understand the subway system
and i can ride it all by myself!
and i even have visitors every now and then.
winnie the pooh says,
“you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
:-)
i think you have nothing to fear, you can not hold back a force whose time has come, my ears and support are available as you eye ball the launch pad, b4 during and after… i love kelly, trust what calls you… e.
As I was scrolling down to the comment box, I caught sight of the boxes along the side bar, and what I saw seemed meant to be my comment… “be brave”. :-)
I don’t know who said this but it certainly called to me (and I heeded it): People won’t pursue their callings until the fear of doing so is finally exceeded by the pain of not doing so.
“I only know I cannot continue to pretend I don’t hear.”
oh… this is so important… when we decide not to supress anymore…
this post was very inspiring… inviting us to listen more to our inner self…
hope you can gather enough courage to answer the call…
lots of love
My son used to have an ‘I Spy’ computer game when he was little, where there where clues that you followed in search of puzzle pieces. When you found that last piece, the computer would squawk back “Great job! You’ve found the missing piece!”
You have just found the missing piece – now Kelly you must fit it into the puzzle! Yes you can!!
hugs x
it sounds like you are on the threshold of making some changes and listening to your inner self. suspenseful and exciting.
I am scared a lot too.
I have no stellar advice, no magic formula. Just support and encouragement that everyone has the fear. I believe you can do whatever you set your mind to.
I offer, with gentleness:
you wrote
‘I have never tried anything until I was sure I could succeed.’
I would question the validity of such certainty. There are always possible variations to an envisioned outcome. Now you just happen to see them. With eyes wider open, you know more, yet feel less shielded. Yet it’s all the same path. And it’s your very same feet on it.
Faith. One foot in front of the other.
xo
Oh, please don’t wait, don’t falter, find a way to live your dream. We all believe in you and this is something I, too, struggle with. I had an amazing dream yesterday and everything still feels so fresh and real. If you need a friend to help you, I will. We can work on being brave together. You do deserve to live with joy and fulfillment. So many things are beginning to change and evolve, so should we. Be a brave little butterfly, I know you can fly. Hugs.
I think of the the little train that said “I think I can, I think I can…” and then DID!
I’m excited to learn what the “thing to do” is.
Remember when I didn’t know if I could quilt?
I also didn’t know if I could do college.
I also wasn’t sure about traveling abroad.
I can make a long list (in my long life) of things I didn’t think I could do
and then realized I could, just like the little train.
You just DO and then you realize you CAN!
Good luck!
and Enjoy!
Heart warming, both the post and all the comments.
You have a lovely loving support group. I add my friendhip offer and a gentle hug. Whatever you decide, I´ll be here. :)
I’m really glad you recognize this opportunity for your life to be about something that feels important to you. I’m also really glad you recognize that your time is too limited to pretend you don’t don’t hear your heart’s call.
With all that on your side, how could you make a mistake? Just keep your ears open!
This calls for the tarot… so, I dug out my deck and drew a card at random for you:
The 8th major arcana card: Strength
So, I say, do it. You now have the STRENGTH–which is why you are thinking so strongly at this time about it. It is time.
Another interpretation… whatever it is will GIVE YOU the strength you have always sought.
:)
My love and ((best deadhead vibes)) to you!!!
Kelly,
I love coming to ‘visit you’ and reading about your journey. I need to pay more attention to daily life, but I keep saying that life with three kids is too busy–lately I’m realizing that this is the life I have, and that before too long I’ll not have three wonderful people at home to share it with.
Thanks for all the inspiration, and for reminding me of what’s important.
Whatever “it” is, know that you can do it. You have so many friends to encourage you on the journey–Lots of love to help you on your way…
Karen