Toward Better Self-Care

I recognize that since moving to Windsor and going through the hard period I’ve been travelling through, some areas of self care have slipped a lot, some a little, while in other areas, I’m taking better care of myself than ever.

In the area of exercise, I have not been doing well. I no longer even do morning stretches. I can feel my body has become stiff.

In the area of volunteer work or service to others, it feels I am idling/inactive. I feel isolated and stuck in the cocoon of self-centredness, dwelling too much on my own drama, which causes me to lose perspective AND robs the world of what I could be out there offering.

In the area of diet, I am doing OKAY but not great. I do gravitate toward the fresh fruits and veggies at supper and I have a light, gluten-free, high fibre breakfast. But I would like to get back to eating the way I was eating when I had my own refrigerator and my own stove/oven.

In the area of sleep, I am doing a good job of not staying up late with TV or computer or reading. I tuck myself in at a reasonable hour and I get up on time most work days. Sometimes I sleep too late on weekends and it affects my mood all day, so there’s room for more discipline there. If only I could remember how much better I feel when I DON’T sleep too late.

Socially, I have not been doing at all well since the move. I seem to be in a phase of regression or relapse with regard to some old social anxiety I once thought I had overcome for good in my life. I know once I take a few baby steps, this anxiety will lessen, but the first steps are difficult.

Spiritually, I have no complaints at all. This has been an unexpected benefit of the hard period.

I was talking to Lynn about how sometimes the only way we can tell we are making progress is by looking back. There is a purple bracelet on my left wrist to remind me not to complain, criticize, whine or gossip. Lynn said that in Hebrew they have the term Lashon Hara (evil tongue), which includes gossip and spiteful chatter. When I think back on what my inner and outer worlds were like before I undertook the Complaint-Free challenge, there is simply no comparison. That challenge changed me and changed my life forever. I am deeply grateful to Patti Digh for telling us about it. This is not to say I am perfect and never slip, but it’s nothing like before. And when I do slip, I catch myself. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but I am so much more conscious now of how my words and attitudes can engender love or can be toxic.

This week I have taken a few little steps toward good self-care.

1. Thursday evening before our friends arrived, I took myself to a free conference on Depression and Anxiety I’d seen advertised on a bulletin board in the community. I went as much to be around other humans as for the education. It was good to get out and expose myself to all the ideas presented that evening. After a brief rain, the sun came out and almost all the attendees crowded at the floor-to-ceiling window to view a magnificent rainbow.

2. Today I bought a yoga mat with carrying bag and tonight I signed up for a four-week Yoga course at MacKenzie Hall. It was hard to justify the gasoline I will burn getting there and back on Sunday mornings, but Sylvain and I both agreed I badly need to do this for my sanity and well-being.

3. I bought myself some wakame and fixed a big bowl of it today with sesame oil and rice vinegar. So nutritious! This was an accomplishment for me because I have trouble claiming time and space in “Ma’s” kitchen.

4. I’ve been saying YES more often to Sylvain’s invitations to go for a long walk after supper. That’s one reason you haven’t heard from me for a few nights!

5. A local blogger and I are going to get together before too long for tea or just to chat. We have several things in common and aren’t too far apart in age. I’m pretty excited (and also a bit nervous) about that.

6. I’ve been saying YES more often to Sylvain’s proposals to spend time at Ojibway natural area, which we did yesterday. It was AWESOME. I had on a tank top and sun-block against the sunny day when out of nowhere a storm came up. We ran to get under the big picnic pavilion and were trapped there for hours while it hailed and rained and almost flooded the pavilion. Both of us were ecstatic to have the park to ourselves. One end of the shelter looks out onto an open prairie habitat surrounded by woods. A mother deer and fawn came out to browse during one pause between showers.

DISCLAIMER: as I put this inventory down on electronic paper, I hope you know I am not berating or judging myself. It doesn’t feel that way to me. It just feels like observations, benchmarking so I know where I am and where I am not. I know there is a time for expanding and a time for retracting, a time for activity and a time for fields to be fallow.  But I also know that self care is vitally important, and that not taking care of myself in each of these areas is compounding and prolonging my difficulties. I want to get back to taking better care of me, and it feels good today to be able to cite some concrete things I’ve done this week toward that end.