These days I inhabit one of two worlds. For days or weeks at a time, I am dominated by ego. This is not a fun world to inhabit. Ego convinces me that I have all sorts of problems that I myself must solve. It reminds me of innumerable mistakes I’ve made and ways I have screwed up my once oh-so-perfect life.
When I am in that state, I’m not too proud of myself for sinking to that, for letting ego get the better of me with his fear-mongering, anxiety-producing tales. I don’t want to blog when I’m in that state. I don’t want to proliferate the toxic cloud, the BS, don’t want to give Mr. Ego any air time. Oh, he’d love that.
Then, once in a while, Glorious Merciful Universe sends me a blessing, a treasure, a lifeline. This week it is coming in the form of Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
When one of these golden flying carpets slips magically under my butt, I sail smoothly into the other world. Problems pop like soap bubbles, illusions that they are. My heart soars. A small and private smile finds its way back to my lips.
And then I don’t reach for the laptop because I don’t want it to end, don’t want to give ego an inroad.
So… yeah.
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Excellent dreams last night. I dreamed I had a new job at a large Canadian insurance underwriter and I was going to help them with process improvement. Another dream scene from the same night: I lived right across from a water park and I realized it was silly of me to turn my nose up at this public pool with its screaming kids and snow cones while yearning for white beaches because …because THIS is what is right across the street from where I live. So go enjoy it, swim there every day. You won’t always live here…maybe one day there will be white beaches. But for now, fully accept your reality and make the best of it.
6 responses so far ↓
Elspeth // May 21, 2008 at 9:02 pm |
Interesting how your dream about the pool reflects the title of the book (Wherever you go there you are).
Catherine // May 21, 2008 at 9:34 pm |
Jeeze Lousie……….Kiddo……
There are times when you put a few words, sentences and paragraphs together and it makes my heart sing. I loved this. <<<<>>>>>
I’m smiling too……thanks!!!!
human being // May 22, 2008 at 12:34 am |
be proud of all the mistakes you’ve made
each a cut on the crystal of your being
shinning with a glow that never fades
a soul vibrating with a longing
for perfection and beauty
which is mistakenly labeled
fear and anxiety
radiantwoman // May 22, 2008 at 11:51 am |
sometimes we have no idea what we are doing.
sometimes we think we know what we are doing.
do we really know what we are doing and why?
do we know what our doing does to others?
Isn’t it nice not to know sometimes and write a post and make someone else smile? Without intending to? Without knowing that you do that?
Thanks Kelly, for expressing this. It is perfect.
There are no Mistakes « Radiant woman // May 22, 2008 at 12:13 pm |
[...] 22, 2008 by radiantwoman Kelly has got her finger right on the sore spot in her post Why I don’t blog when I don’t blog. Sometimes her ego gets the better side of her and then she won’t blog. Ever been there? Well [...]
Lynn // May 22, 2008 at 5:07 pm |
I like the carpet sweeping under your butt…sometimes your discriptions are so Right ON. ;-)
Nice that you can flow back and forth…hopefully more forth than back…but learning all the while. You do. And you teach
in the sharing of it. Therefore we learn as well.
thanks. Thanks.
I was standing at my desk at work, tired of sitting in front of the computer…looking at photos of grandkids, kids, husband on my desk…going back to those times…2 years, 10 years, 25 years…ago…caught in action on paper to save, enjoy, ever after…like oceans and sandy beaches that are still there to return to when needed, wanted, when one can take a moment out to look, feel, enjoy.