I’ve noticed that since starting the observing the ego and mindful breathing as often as I can remember to do so every day for a year and trying not to complain and following other aspects of the teachings from Eckhart Tolle and his ilk, a lot of my interests are changing.*
I find I’m no longer enjoying certain kinds of music I once enjoyed. I still enjoy instrumental, jazz, chanting and other complex music, but I no longer care very much for songs that are meant to pull the heart into a story…a story of loss or heartbreak or falling in love. Reflecting on this, I think the reason I no longer get down into those lyrics and tunes the way I used to is that I can no longer commiserate. I am no longer falling for those stories as spun by my ego and told to me as something that is true about me. So I can’t relate anymore to many songs, songs that used to touch me deeply emotionally.
My interest in clothing has changed. I used to spend quite a bit of energy going from boutique to funky thrift shop to bargain bins putting together pieces in a way that helped me express my personal style. I made my own earrings and took pleasure in matching earrings to top to socks or tights. I’m not saying I’ve lost all interest in clothes, but now I don’t care on a given day what I’m wearing so long as it’s more or less appropriate for where I’m going, whether to work or to the grocery store.
Last night was quite an anomaly. I watched television. Yes, I like watching the Academy Awards, so Sylvain and I stayed up for that. Seeing all those commercials made me realize for the first time since I gave up television what an effect the tube once had on my brain waves. In just three hours I sank right back in that world fabricated by capitalism and its henchmen Marketing and Consumerism. Ego woke right up and danced around the room, as if by indulging in three hours of TV I were throwing him a party.
Gosh, look what I’ve been missing by not watching television! I never knew my life could be perfect if I would just get that super lash mascara and a Cadillac with leather seats and start buying all my clothes from the American Living line at J.C. Penney.
That new reality show where Oprah gives money to teams to give away…that looks intriguing.
My gosh, the hooks are good.
Today, back in my peaceful, television-free bubble, ego’s chattering is again dying down. My eyelashes are fine without mascara and I don’t need to block in time for Oprah’s new show.
I guess I remember now how good it felt when I first walked away from the tube, but it had been so long that I’d forgotten what a stark difference watching or not watching makes in my daily moods. Less TV = more sleep, but also means my mind space is kept free of the toxins and clutter of that machine that churns out stories to manipulate our thoughts and moods and wants and cravings and belief system.
I’m glad I spent three hours last night in front of the 72″ DLP HD screen Sylvain is so damned proud of. It was fun. Maybe I’ll do it again next year.
*footnote: I reached 37 Days of no whining, gossipping, complaining or criticizing on 12 February. Three days later I succumbed to some borderline gossiping and complaining, but am pretty much on track again now, though no longer counting days.
16 responses so far ↓
Sylvain // February 25, 2008 at 8:32 pm |
Kelly forgot to mention the Dolby 5.1 surround sound with Klipsch speakers including a 12-inch subwoofer, but I’ll let it go. :-)
Honestly, last night was the longest I have sat in front of it since the first week I got it last year. It was fun watching the Oscars with Kelly.
Mary // February 25, 2008 at 9:59 pm |
Oooh, Klipsch! Did she tell you the factory is in Arkansas?
Olivia // February 25, 2008 at 11:53 pm |
Kelly, super-duper congratulations on being so GWCC-Free!
That is very interesting about television. I think I watch too much; although I probably don’t watch too much compared to others, I’m sure I watch enough to make my ego dance. I don’t like that! Something to chew on, for sure.
I really enjoy hearing your observations about how you are changing with this process.
Much love, O
eric bjorlin // February 26, 2008 at 12:05 am |
I love not watching TV — I used to have a few shows (Gilmore Girls, for one) that I loved, but they fall away, and when you don’t watch promos, you don’t know what you’re missing! And because of my schedule, I usually taped the shows and watched them back with no commercials, so I think that helped keep my ego down, too.
I enjoyed your comments on music, but I’ll have to ponder that a bit more. I’m a story person, so I wonder about your mentioning story songs not having the effect on you. One song I just got in to recently was basically Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story, and I enjoy the story, but is that related to my ego? And are such movies then also related in a similar way? Food for my (and your) though.
Elspeth // February 26, 2008 at 6:46 am |
Reading about you not watching TV reminds me of how I feel having not read papers, looked at or listened to news (unless I accidentally hear it on the radio) since November 2007.
suki // February 26, 2008 at 7:47 am |
Congrats on so much time spent no complaining. Re: the changes. I noticed changes of a similar ilk in myself when I began to pay more attention to creating peace in my daily life. When I saw tv again after a long absence i particularly noted that there are a lot of medicine advertisements. Yuck. No wonder we’re a pillpopping nation.
I know what you mean about the heartstring pulling, sob story songs. I do listen on occasion but they make me so sad it’s better not to.
Elspeth I also dont watch the news and rarely read papers. I listen briefly to NPR news to keep aware but right now I can’t bear even that as mostly all they talk about is politics.
Be well and thanks for sharing your insights on yr adventure.
honorarynewfie // February 26, 2008 at 10:37 am |
Kelly, although your “deliberate” activities are bringing about changes in your perceptions of yourself there is another influence that is causing those changes to occur… Sylvain.
We are never the same people when we are in a relationship as we are when we are alone. What counts as “important” or “meaningful” to us (or our egos) changes as we become more integrated into the partnership.
So I feel you have him to thank for that as well.
(and if you’re not both making full use of the 72″… I have this wall ……… :-) )
andrea // February 26, 2008 at 12:13 pm |
This is good for me to read right now while the airwaves scream “antidepressants don’t work!” I’m looking for new coping mechanisms and am taking note of yours. Maybe I should turn off the news and quit watching anything that taps into my fantasy world, though the commercials have never been a problem for me as I either tune out or simply haven’t got it in me to get sucked in. How lucky am I? But I KNOW that I’ll never quit putting mascara on these blonde eyelashes! :)
Rick // February 26, 2008 at 4:24 pm |
Kelly–first off, congratulations on so successfully integrating a GWCC-free lifestyle with your breathing and ego awareness. They truly are complementary pursuits! When you look at how your life has changed in the time just since I have known you, about six months, it is simply astonishing.
TV is a drug which can take over one’s life. Julia and I spent two weeks in a lakeside cottage last September–no TV, no radio. We both had laptops, though, so it’s not like we were completely communications/entertainment free. In fact, Julia discovered her favorite soap was available to play back the day after it aired. Apart from that, though, no TV.
It was a clear indicator to me that one can break free of the drug if one chooses to. We’re not addicted, I swear!! (maybe I’m in denial)
Most of the TV we watch is of the type where we can talk while watching, such as the Oscars. Another one Julia likes is Dancing with the Stars. And, HGTV. She is big on pretty much all the shows on that network. And, of course, Antiques Roadshow.
At least if you decide to spend some time with Syl in front of the tube, once a year or so, you have an amazing tube to sit in front of.
Kathryn Knoll // February 26, 2008 at 7:34 pm |
I find that it becomes harder and harder to “track” what’s going on when the television is on these days. I watch it while I am doing my morning workout. I feel like I am a visitor from another planet when I watch anything. It’s like a major distraction that my mind just doesn’t connect with. I haven’t watched a movie on TV or gone out to the movie theater in a good 3-4 years, so I don’t know who all these people are that are walking the red carpet or accepting awards. When I do watch it is really from a much more observer point of view. I find I am trying to understand the human race by seeing what is a major “shaping tool”- TV and media in general. Every three ads seems to be for drugs. Then, there are the car ads showing people pretty much whizzing around in situations they probably aren’t actually using their cars for. Hmm. and all this focus on the 3-D world. It’s interesting, for sure. People will say, that’s cause, Kathryn, you’re a nun that it strikes you like that. Maybe. I think it is more because I am too turned on with creativity and the creative process. I don’t want to give my time to something that doesn’t satisfy nearly as much. And what’s all this interest in reality shows? I’m with you, I like my world without the distractions.
annie // February 27, 2008 at 12:01 am |
Television really is a drug of sorts, effects us the same way in that it takes over, controls us. So watching infrequently is the ticket, Kelly. My sister was so convinced that television was drugging her childrens’ minds that she picked hers up and threw it outside, making a grand statement and causing some real withdrawal pains.
human being // February 27, 2008 at 8:22 am |
Beautiful changes.
My students all the time complain that they have no time to practice …. when I ask them about the things they do in a day, I notice that much of their time is spent on watching TV, going window-shopping, playing games on the computer, and chatting on the phone or the net!
storyteller // February 27, 2008 at 2:50 pm |
Congrats on achieving the 37 day goal (however briefly) and for all the changes you’ve made (and are making) in your life. What you’ve shared about music and TV ‘resonates’ … for I seldom have either on these days. I love the silence … with my thoughts and meditations … w/o distraction … allowing me to focus (when I’m not blogging). I wish you continued success in your journey.
Hugs and blessings,
brandi // February 27, 2008 at 7:41 pm |
oh my god, you so freaking rock for reaching 37 days!!! Jason and I have been watching less TV lately because of the writers strike and I don’t really miss it.
Lynn // February 27, 2008 at 9:01 pm |
I had almost completely stopped watching everything until In Treatment came on. A show written in Israel, about a therapist and his clients he sees on a weekly basis. We follow their weekly sessions each week. I find myself picking apart the therapists’ work (he did not report a child being molested by her gymnatics coach, he got so angry last night that he threw coffee in a clients face, he has fallen in love with one of his women clients) he is losing it! I am not impressed. But I have kept watching it for some reason.
I also watch The Wire, another HBO series that I thought did a great job showing the inter-workings of the drug culture in Baltimore, the police system, educational system, politics and newspaper system and how they worked together. But there is so much violence, blood and gore that I come away feeling sick and depressed by it all. So why do I feel the need to finish out the five part series, last show next Sunday night? Oh sewing machine here I come!
donna // February 29, 2008 at 8:45 pm |
If you Tivo things the commercials don’t bother you so much. Harder to do with a live show, but you can start it about 15 minutes late and then still fast forward through the ads. As long as no one is calling you to let you know what’s going to happen, it works great.